A Father’s Day

Guest contributor Aaron Pew this week, with a nice message about Father’s Day.  Enjoy.

Father’s Day

Father’s day is a day to thank your dad for all of the hard work he’s put in to feed you. It’s a day to thank your dad for grounding you when you lied, or for scolding you when you screwed up. It’s a day to remember the fun times as well, but on Father’s Day, your dad should be thanked for helping raise you into the man or woman you are today. This is probably a different way to look at it than the norm, but let me elaborate.

There’s something about the bond of a father and his child that is special and unique. A dad isn’t usually a real compassionate person. He isn’t always forgiving. He doesn’t take no for an answer. Frankly, dad can be a big ass sometimes. A dad, however, is always looking out for the betterment of their kid. The job of a dad is to teach their son or daughter the right way to do things.

You may know of this better said as “values”. The unfortunate part to this relationship, is that it takes time to appreciate. I remember, as a kid, I idolized my father. I wanted to do anything he did. In fact, I still do this to an extent. Most things that I am today are because of my father. I am a Twins fan, a Vikings fan, a golfer, a pool player, a (below average) hunter, a joke teller, a card player, and a fantasy football player. I’ll even drink an Old Milwaukee Light if somebody puts it in front of me…not because it’s good, but because it’s what my dad drinks. The list goes on, but I think you get the point. (I’m really not kidding…I’m not a good hunter).

 

I also remember a lot of times as a kid that I was really mad at my father. I remember how he would yell at me when I would run up and interrupt a conversation of his. I remember how he always put me to work and “never let me have any fun”. I remember he would always tell me to turn the music down. I remember a specific moment when I was absolutely furious with my father. He called me to see if I had done my chores yet, and then proceeded to critique the way I answered the phone. I was furious for two reasons…1) I had NOT done my chores yet, and 2) seriously? I didn’t answer the phone right? I remember that I was mad because I felt like he was always after me about something.

It was hard to realize it while I was a kid, but we shared some special bonds together as well. As a kid, I focused on the bad parts a lot (like most kids do), and took some of the cool things we shared for granted. My favorite memories growing up include golfing with my dad, watching my dad play me in pool (meaning that I racked and he ran the table), and riding with him to get boxes from the liquor store in Milbank. For those that don’t know, we owned a locker plant, and used the boxes to put meat packages in. Every time we would ride to get boxes, we would make a stop at Beren’s Warehouse Groceries to see Bob, I’d usually get a pop or some sort of snack, and my dad and I would both sing along to the golden oldies on the radio.

  

The reason I bring these things up, is that I didn’t learn to appreciate my relationship with my dad until he was gone. My dad passed away September 12th, 1998. I was only 13, and hadn’t realized, yet, exactly what he meant to me. Now, I should clarify, I loved spending time with my dad, and I loved him like every other son loves his dad, but I mean that I didn’t realize all of the things he was doing for me during our time together.

  

In June of 1999, I remember a weird feeling on father’s day. I was used to being happy and saying “Happy Father’s Day, Dad!” while I gave him a pair of socks. This year, however, the day was sad. I thought of all my friends that were spending time with their dad’s, thinking how lucky they all were. I did my best to hold it all in. I was proud of how my parents had raised me tough. This was the start of when I truly realized my father’s impact on me. This is when I became fanatical about the Twins and Vikings. This is when I started taking the game of pool seriously. I started golfing more. Anything I could remember about my dad, I wanted to do it even more than I ever did. I started feeling a need to carry on my dad’s legacy.

As the years went on, I have always tried to keep the things I had with my father going, even if he isn’t here with me to enjoy them.

I went to training camps and games

I joined pool leagues and entered tournaments.

I hunted…even though I am so bad at it. I also carried a part of my dad’s fun loving personality with me at all times. As the years passed though, I slowly learned what my dad was telling me when I was little.  Suddenly, I didn’t view his scoldings as him getting after me for no reason, but I realized that he was teaching me how to be a man. He taught me how to interact with people. He taught me how to put in a good days work…but have fun doing it. He taught me that there’s more to life than Mario Kart. For the record, I’m not sure I believe that last one yet…Mario Kart IS pretty freaking sweet.

  

Now, I have the privilege of being a father. Father’s day is a happy day for me again. I’ve had the privilege of celebrating fatherhood with my wife and kids for 5 years now. It’s now a day for me to honor my father by remembering him and passing on the same values he taught me. I laugh sometimes when Blake gets upset and I hear him screaming from his bedroom right after he slams the door. To be clear, I’m not laughing at my son’s pain, but laughing at the irony that I used to the same thing. Is that really ironic? I’m not sure. Just go with it.

I now teach my kids table manners, I teach manners in general, I teach them to pick up their room, and teach them that they have to pitch in around the house. If I don’t yell at them or scold them sometimes, I fear that they will grow up feeling entitled. I push my kids in activities because I want them to feel the joy of winning something fair and square. All of these things make my kids get pretty angry with me sometimes, but that’s just part of being a dad. I’m teaching with tough love.

With kids of my own, I feel like I truly understand the relationship I had with my dad. My only hope and prayer is that I’ll get the chance to see my kids fully grown so they don’t have to go through the same things as I did. I hope that my kids will understand why I scold, punish, or ground them. It saddens me that my kids were never able to meet their Grandpa Pew, but it’s my job and duty to make sure they get to know what kind of a guy he was through me.

  

Part of the intent for this blog was to be therapeutically pleasing for me, but for anybody that is reading this, my purpose is to make sure spend time with your dad this father’s day…and other days, too. Why should we confine all this love for dad into one day? The same question applies to moms on mother’s day. Being a parent can be a thankless job, and sometimes parents need some confirmation that they aren’t screwing up royally.

If you’re a teenager or a young adult reading this, take it from me that your dad loves you and he wants the best for you. Being upset with him over taking his credit card away from you, making you get a job, or lecturing you about what clothes you are wearing to your date (I’m already practicing that specific speech for my daughter) isn’t worth the effort. You never know when your dad (or any loved one) will be taken from you, so please cherish every moment you get.  

So, this father’s day, please celebrate the fun times, but also thank your dad for scolding, spanking, grounding, punishing you. He’s the reason you are a productive member of society.