Draft Kings

Week 5 of the NFL season, can you feel the excitement!?!?!

So if you’re like me, you’re already annoyed with football, real National Football League football and fantasy football.  I was discussing with a few of my friends why we are falling out of favor with fantasy football the other day.  Why I may even quit after this year (except for one team…maybe).  The reasons are many so I thought this would tie in perfectly with my planned blog on fantasy football projections.  I’m really excited to write this one, let’s get started!

Projections

This is Matthew Berry.  He’s the main guy on espn.com when it comes to fantasy.  Now I give him a lot of crap on this site, he might be a nice guy (doubt it)…but I think he’s a real pile of shit.  Weekly the man tells us who to draft, how they will do and hell, he even got Draft Kings to write him a nice check for his services.  Is he ever right?  Go look at his article…go ahead.

The ones he gets right are obvious choices.  Hey guys and girls!  Julio Jones may do well this week…because he is FUCKING JULIO JONES!  DUH!  LOOK AT HIM!

More often than not this guy is wrong…and he gets paid for it.  How in the living hell does the guy get paid to do this for a living?  Who does he have dirt on?  Not to be mean, it’s not like he’s attractive and slept his way to get this position.  I DO NOT GET IT!

Now for the projection part.  Each week projections are set for each player, what they “should” get.  If you read on how they come up with them, it’s a nice little bullshit guess and they tell you so.  Again, they get paid for this shit.  We did a study for the past few weeks on projections, not close on a single one.  I have numbers, but I don’t want to bore you with numbers so here’s a girl in a football shirt.  (This is for you Dolphins fans, because your year, has been as good as mine and the 9ers).

The numbers never match up, it’s all a guessing game.  So since they do it with players, I’m going to do it quick with their columnists.

Matthew Berry

SIT HIM!  He’s hardly ever right.  When he’s wrong he’ll have a stupid article the next week about his hate mail and try to validate his job.  He’s somehow on ESPN for this and shouldn’t be, hell he probably gets paid more than people with actual important jobs.  Quite the risky selection this week.  (Oh he also sounds like a pompous piece of shit, and that damn Dave and Buster’s commercial, is almost as annoying as the Draft Kings commercial with that asshole Tom Brady fan).

Yeah…these douches.

Eric Karabell

He is a must start!  Not from his posts because I refuse to get ESPN Insider.  He just looks like a nice guy! Google him!  He shouldn’t know football!

Michael Fabiano

Award winning fantasy columnist, which means he is really good at guessing.  I would start him, but only if you are in a bind!

Thankfully I didn’t do an entire article of this, because I’m already getting angry that all of these people make money guessing football games.  So let’s move on to other things that piss me off about it.  In the meantime, here’s Jenn Sterger, who can’t even believe she got a job with the NFL.  Maybe if Matthew Berry looked like her it’d make sense…

Too Many Leagues

The reason I have progressively become more frustrated with football can be traced to this.  Two weeks ago I had Demaryius Thomas in a league I was winless in, he was destroying, hooray!  I was gonna win a game…but wait!  I also was playing him in a league, where I was winning by 10…I lost that league.

So I am in technically 4 leagues.  Not as bad as most, the 4th is a work league, hence the technically 4.  That is $5 a person and only 8 people, so nobody should have a crappy team.  The 3rd is a fun one I put together for $20, that is now not fun because people take it seriously.  This will be the last year of that one (surprise!).  The 2nd is a $100 dynasty league that is actually quite awesome because I love the shit out of my team, although I get approximately 18 shitty trade offers a week in that league. The 1st league….

I’ve been in that league since 2005.  I’ve been in two championships.  I’ve won it once.  It’s harder to enjoy that one right now.

Reason one.  One guy has been in the championship 4 out of the past 5 years, looking like a 5th at the moment.  Talks people in to god awful trades, and they happen.  In a game of luck, with injuries and stupid shit out of our control, one guy has managed to make it to the end that many times.

Out of 14 people, many of which have never sniffed the finals, why do you continue to play?  What’s the point, you’re just gonna lose.  (Disclaimer, I like the guy, it’s just crazy odds and I can see why some people want to quit).

Reason two.  For some reason one guy really wants the last place person to have some sort of public humiliation.  I’m not 5, nor are we on a mildly popular show on FXX.

It’s a game of luck and I generally enjoy not having to do stupid shit to stay in a league.  In fact, my favorite person, Mr. Matthew Berry put up an article on people who have gotten last and what they’ve done.  Tattoos, wearing lingerie in public…super cool stuff…if you’re these guys.

Lastly we take it far too seriously.  Maybe that’s why it was more fun back in the day.  I’d set my lineup Sunday morning, forget it, then check Sunday night after it was done.  Forget about that now, there’s a Thursday game every week.  It’s just a lot of overkill.

Not only that, it’s also available to check on your phone, on the ticker on the bottom of the screen and live scoring on your XBox.  It’s getting to be too much.  I’ve talked a few people out of leaving the league because of various things, and this year it may be my turn for someone to do that for me.

My Actual Team is Bad

I am a San Francisco 49’ers fan.  A top 5 all time team.  The “Team of the 80’s”.  A team that up until a few months ago was a Super Bowl contender for what I thought would at least be the next 5-8 years.

Nope, first they fired a top 5 coach in all of football (try to dispute it, but the evidence is there).  Then they lost numerous players to retirement, free agency, or just not re-signing them.  So I was expecting a horrible year, but horrible being about 7-9 at worst.

If you read this blog, you saw I even flew out to San Francisco (technically Santa Clara) to see them play.  They won!  1-0 record.  They beat a Vikings team that could make the playoffs (Super Bowl if you listen to some fans).  So I was okay with my 7-9 guess..maybe even 9-7 at best, who knows!?  Carlos Hyde looked like the second coming of AP.

Nope, they suck.  Kaepernick is awful and will be gone by years end.  The line is shit.  Anquan Boldin looks angry that he has to stay there with this mess, same with Navarro Bowman, who is my favorite player.  I want them both to leave so they can win.  It’s that bad.

What 49’ers ownership did, was keep their GM who has failed in the last few NFL drafts and got rid of their coach who, oh I don’t know, only took their team to 3 straight NFC championship games, a Super Bowl, and in his final year, when they were killed by injuries and drama, still finished 8-8.  Killed whatever confidence there was with an up and coming quarterback who now looks more Kordell Stewart than Randall Cunningham.  Oh and they hired this guy to coach.

Yeah, I’d be confused to why I still like football.  They may win 3 games…at most.  Great day to be a 9ers fan with this douchebag in charge.

You can include the countless other things that may affect my hate for all things NFL and fantasy, to not make this thing longer I’ll do a quick list:

• Draft Kings and Fan Duel commercials
• Celebrate last month, because it was the first month that an NFL player wasn’t arrested in YEARS
• Roger Goodell
• NFL officials

• Russell WIlson and his pretend being nice act.  You ruined a few relationships and you think your juice cures hangovers, fuck you.

• The announcers.  I love Jon Gruden, but how much dick can he suck of one specific player each week?  Cris Collinsworth!?  I don’t know Al, what do I think of him!?
• ESPN, all of them, except Steve Young and Tom Jackson.
• Terry Bradshaw, my god you’re awful

And that’s it for this one.  In closing, I will more than likely keep playing, because it is fun at times, and a great way for friends to stay together (Fantasy Draft Weekend is a favorite), but I think some things obviously need to change.  Less NFL watching is first on the agenda.

The next two will be fun as hell to write, and no football involved in either!  Karl and I will discuss Scream Queens, for why!?  No idea.  I can’t even.

Then I bumped in to Mr. Mark Satrang and we will be doing, FINALLY, our best wrestling entrances of all time discussion.

FINALLY!

Thanks for reading.

Jeff Kleeman